


Anderson's Epic Diary of Glittery Doom

by turante



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 02:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10675812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turante/pseuds/turante
Summary: Anderson keeps a diary. It's sort of cracky. See the Yard* through the eyes of the most hated man on the job.[* Dinosaur shaped lenses are not available in all Countries.]





	Anderson's Epic Diary of Glittery Doom

**September 15th**

Today I got assigned to the best police squad ever. The case is barely important, but the inspector! OMG HOT HOT HOT!!! I cannot believe I spent three years helping that moron, Simmons, work for a promotion. Detective Lestrade. <3

 

**September 17th**

DI L. just came over to the lab to ask for our analysis. Do I bump his samples to the top of the list to make a good impression or do I put them back to get him coming back to talk to me?

 

**September 18th**

DI L is back and looking grim and murderous, menacing a painful death should he not have his DNA results by the end of the day.  
SQUEEEEE!  
DI so HOT when ordering about.  
Might just try and push things a bit further.

 

**September 19th**

Another victim found, got called to the scene, also a skinny prat with a v. annoying attitude got called by the DI. A civilian.  
Loaded, by the looks of it, spoiled high society brat.  
Psychopath with a god-complex.  
Also, he's so totally trying to steal DI L from me :(

 

**September 20th**

Prat has a name, Sherlock Holmes or something like that. Probably made up.  
He came to the lab today, tried to boss us around.  
I don't like being bossed around, except by my DI L.

 

 **September 21st**  
  
The Sherlock prat isn't completely useless, as wherever he goes, DI L follows, doing what he calls "damage control".  
Optimistic description.

 

**September 24th**

Self-proclaimed sociopath solved the DI's case. Psychopath happy, DI happy too. Walking off into the sunset together kind of happy.  
I'm not happy at all.  
Emergency re-watching of Jurassic Park tonight.

 

**October 1st**

On another case with DI Lestrade <3  
Made friends with his Sergeant, one woman called Sally Donovan chatting over coffee while SH was having a semi-public screaming match with the DI.  
L won't let him play with our toys.  
:D eheh, go L <3

 

**October 2nd**

DI L just said "Damn you, Sherlock. I need you, come over" at the phone.  
V. depressed.  
Going out with Sally for consolation.  
But my love for you stays true, Lestrade

 

**October 3rd**

Woke up at 2pm, with a massive hangover, wearing a red bra and knickers and no recollection of previous night.  
This is very bad.  
Lestrade called, asking why his samples aren’t in the lab.  
WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

**October 4th**

Spent most of last night and this morning tearing the lab apart in search of missing samples.  
Around midday the _amateur_ detective shows up and waves a bag in my face, asking if I'd lost something.  
Pretty sure he picked my pockets the other night.

 

**October 4th, addendum**

Got home, couldn't open the door because apparently my keys are not in my pockets.  
And my spare key is not at its usual place.  
Damn pouf, pickpocked me again.  
The wife is out of town for a the rest of the week, and the landlord is on vacation in some distant tropical land (finding recent raise in rent suspicious now) so I thought I'd phone Sally.  
Awkward conversation but she agreed to let me sleep on her sofa.

 

**October 5th**

My wife isn't the only one incapable of cooking breakfast, apparently.  
I swear my eggs were threatening me with salmonella. Or warning me to run away.  
I've never mastered the language of eggs.  
A bit queasy now.

 

**October 6th**

Lestrade closed case and offered us all a celebratory drink.  
At 4 pm.  
Having a few doubts.  
Sherlock Holmes was there too, even if he didn't drink at all and didn't speak much.  
Tried to chat with L but Sally got in the way.  
Tried to politely and gently let her down but by the time I was free L and Holmes were nowhere to be found.  
ç_ç

 

**October 9th**

Someone has started untruthful rumours about me that may do lasting damage to my marriage, should the wife ever hear them.

 

**October 9th, addendum**

Presumably the same someone who started the rumours also wrote and circulated a memo.  
NOT FUNNY, GUYS. JUST NOT FUNNY.

 

**October 10th**

This has gone too far, I am going to HR this afternoon to put a stop to that.  
A mail has been forwarded to the entire Yard -including the cleaning lady- with this header:  
  
and this [link](http://mingle2.com/blog/view/dating-tyrannosaurus) with my name on it.  
Again, NOT FUNNY.

 

**October 11th**

♥Lestrade♥ arrested Sherlock Holmes today.  
Oh, GLORIOUS, MAGNIFICENT, WONDERFUL DAY!  
Rumour around the Met says it's for possession of drugs.

 

**October 12th**

Obscenely early this morning a man in an old fashioned suit and swinging an umbrella (am not kidding, a real bloody umbrella) showed up, talked quietly to L, who protested and cursed loud enough to be heard on the other side of the Thames, but eventually convinced (? more like blackmailed, I think) the DI to release Sherlock and take him home and take the rest of the day off.  
WTF? And what am I supposed to stare at for the rest of the day?


End file.
